BeejOnTheRadio

2008-12-05T13:04:00.001-08:00

And the Grammy goes to...

So the Grammy nominations came out Wednesday night in a star-studded television event. (In which the music industry dissed radio... the medium that MAKES them stars... but that's a whole different argument.)

I'll admit, I've been bored of the Grammys for a while now. If you died the year before... expect a Grammy (which is why George Carlin will win the Comedy Album Grammy). If you had the words "buzz band" attached to your name, you'll at least be nominated. And this year, it seems that if you were ever in Spin magazine, you gathered some attention.

I was sitting at my desk prepping my show, scrolling through the nominees, and I cam across the "Best Soundtrack" nominees.

Best Compilation Soundtrack Album For Motion Picture, Television Or Other Visual Media
(Award to the Artist(s) and/or Producer(s) of a majority of the tracks on the album, or to the individual(s) actively responsible for the concept and musical direction and for the selection of artists, songs and producers, as applicable.)

American Gangster
(Various Artists)
[Def Jam]
August Rush
(Various Artists)
[Columbia/Sony Music Soundtrax]
Juno
(Various Artists)
[Fox Music/Rhino]
Mamma Mia!
Meryl Streep (& Various Artists)
[Decca Records]
Sweeney Todd — The Demon Barber Of Fleet Street
(Various Artists)
[Nonesuch Records]

OK. Cool. There's some good music on there... but when you really think about it:

Isn't the "Best Soundtrack" Grammy basically a Grammy for having the best Mixtape?

It's like you put together the PERFECT mix. The mood fits perfectly, the song flow is exactly what it should be. But oh yeah... you have a major film to attach it to.

Who will win this Grammy this year? I don't know. I don't own any of the soundtracks. But the mix CD in my car right now is definitely more bitchin'.

And a final thought... the "Short Form Music Video" Grammy... is that basically an MTV Video Music Award on a grander scale?

2008-10-29T06:14:00.000-07:00

Some Creative And Cheap Halloween Costume Ideas

-Bunch of grapes

Blow up a number of purple balloons and affix them to a dress or unitard with safety pins and you're good to go.

-Bag of jelly beans

Start with a clear trash bag from the grocery store, and cut holes for your arms and legs. Next, print out or draw a jelly bean package label onto a piece of paper, and mount it to the inside of the trash bag, facing out. Finally, fill the bag with an assortment of bright colored balloons, and loosely tie a ribbon into a bow around your neck at the top of your bag to "seal" the package.

-Geisha

Grab a silk robe and slippers from your closet (or a local Asian market), and toss your hair up with chopsticks from the kitchen drawer. Cinch your waist with a sash, then mix some cold cream and cornstarch together (with a little water) for a pale face. Powder with a little flour, add red lipstick, and finish with a fan.

-Miss Piggy

Just go for glamour in anything, from a dreaded old bridesmaid dress to your favorite evening gown that is collecting dust, find a fake pig nose and ears and add a blond wig.

-Where's Waldo

Pull on your favorite pair of "true blue" jeans and slip on some brown shoes. Next, find a red-and-white striped turtleneck, black glasses and a hat.

-iPod ad

Using a neon green, blue or pink poster board, affix the Apple iPod logo to the top corner and attach arm straps with black elastic or rope. Dress in all-black head-to-toe

-'Count on Me'

Dress in all black and use double-stick tape to secure cut-out numbers all over your body. Your friends will love that they can "count on you" all night long!

-Dry cleaning

Simply slip on the plastic garment bag from your most recent round of returned dry cleaning over your outfit.

-Got milk?

Using a solid white T-shirt, write "got milk?" with a sharpie, or try printing out an iron-on T-shirt transfer using your computer. Finish with a "milk moustache."

-Facebook

All you'll need is an oversize old book and elastic. Punch a hole in the top right-hand corner of the middle pages, slip the elastic through and tie a knot on each end to secure. Slip your head into the book so that the elastic works like a headband.

-Pinup girl

Attach safety pins to a T-shirt in the shape of an arrow pointing up.

-Smarty pants

Attach Smarties candies to your waistline or belt, add nerd glasses, a pocket protector and graduation cap if you have one to be transformed into a "smarty pants."

-Self-absorbed

Dress in all black and use double-stick tape to secure sponges to your body.

*Courtesy of Bobbie Thomas, TODAY style editor and author of the Buzz column in InTouch Weekly

2008-10-22T04:21:00.000-07:00

I AM A ROCK GOD!!!

I've made it well known throughout this blog... unless you're Howard Stern or Rush Limbaugh, you don't make much money in radio. It's a job I love, but a job I barely get by doing. Most of my investment portfolio is tied up in housing and food.

That being said... I can't afford nice, fun things. I don't have any video game consoles in my house. Partly because I don't have the time to play them, but mainly because I just can't afford it. But I found myself with some free time today.

Having suffered a stiff neck for the past couple of days, I finally gave in... payed my $25 co-pay, and trudged to my doctor's office today. They prescribed me some fun sounding drugs, and it was off to Wal-Mart to get them filled. The nice lady at the Pharmacy told me it would be about 20 minutes until they are filled. Cool. I've got a few things to pick up.

I wander through the store, and into the Men's department, where a beautiful sight awaits me:

Rock Band 2. A full demo set-up.

No one is around... I pick up the drumsticks, and scroll through the list of songs. I find a song I like.... and start pounding away on the kit.

In my very first time EVER playing Rock Band. I scored 93% playing Paramore's "That's What You Get" on fucking EXPERT. And most of the misses that landed me at 93% were at the beginning while I got it down quickly, and mainly because the display is also blasting the new AC/DC CD at the same time... so trying to distinguish one song from the other got annoying.

BUT 93%. ON EXPERT. FIRST TIME EVER. AND I did it with a stiff neck. Although video games don't require THAT much head movement.

Pretty sad that that was the highlight of my day, eh?

2008-09-09T06:28:00.001-07:00

The Pretty Colors...

My friends.

I've never done drugs in my life. Well... I drink. But I mean nothing illegal. I like to believe my parents raised me right. or I couldn't find any good stuff. No. They raised me right.

But driving into work today. I felt like someone dropped acid into my cereal milk.

I hop in my car... around 5am. It's always dark when I leave for work. But today, I notice out of the corner of my eye... towards the south end of Pittsburg... the ENTIRE sky is bright. But not just spotlight bright... it's green too. Bright green. Green clouds. Green sky. "WTF?" I think to myself. I continue my drive, crossing over the 4th street bridge and look again. The sky is now bright blue, and turning purple. Then it goes to blood red.

What the hell is going on? I can still see it as I get all the way out to Pittsburg High School... and out here at the studios.

I ask Thom and Dalton, the other AM hosts if they saw it, and they look at me like I have 4 heads. I'm thinking I should call into Coast to Coast AM and tell them some weird shit is going on over Pittsburg, KS.

But Thom has a moment of brilliance. "I know what it is" he says, without ever seeing the light. "They're testing out Pitt State's new Jumbotron."

That's right. The new $1.7 million scoreboard. All-LED lights. They were doing a color test on it. And the sucker was bright enough to be seen from over THREE MILES AWAY. Maybe even from space.

I feel bad for the neighbors. I feel bad for wen the fans show up Saturday for the game and need to wear sunglasses.

I feel even worse for the neighbors if they test the soundsystem tomorrow at 5am.

And if you want an acid trip without the acid... check out the South Pittsburg sky at about 5am. It'll blow your mind.

2008-08-07T06:26:00.000-07:00

WORST. SONG. EV-AR!

This morning on the morning show, we talked about the worst songs ever recorded.

BAHA MEN's summer hit record WHO LET THE DOG'S OUT? has been named the worst song of all time.
The track, which topped charts around the world in 2000, is number one in a new list compiled by editors of Spinner.com and AOL Radio.
It beat off tough competition from rapper Vanilla Ice's memorable hit Ice, Ice Baby and a more recent chart success for Ricky Martin - She Bangs.
There was even a place in the chart for a couple of music legends, in Sir Paul MCCartney and Stevie Wonder.
The top 10 is as follows:
1. Who Let The Dogs Out - Baha Men
2. Ice, Ice Baby - Vanilla Ice
3. She Bangs - Ricky Martin
4. Barbie Girl - Aqua
5. U Can't Touch This - MC Hammer
6. I Am Woman - Helen Redey
7. I'm Too Sexy - Right Said Fred
8. Ebony And Ivory - Paul MCCartney And Stevie Wonder
9. Macarena - Los Del Rio
10. My Heart Will Go On - Celine Dion

A very noble list, I must say, but there are always additions that need to be made. Like where is Starship's "We Built This City" which stole #1 on Vh1's Worst songs list? Listeners threw in suggestions for Flobots, Barry Manilow, Billy Ray Cyrus and more. What song do YOU think should be on the list? Leave your best... or worst... in the comments.

My personal choice for worst song ever recorded... a song that (THANK GOD) got shot down on New Arrivals a few months back. I present... "A-Punk" by Vampire Weekend.

2008-06-26T10:19:00.000-07:00

Life on the Pop Music D-List?

I believe myself to be one of the few left who enjoy the world of Music Videos. I still think Music Videos when done right can make or break a song. (Like OK Go's "Here It Goes Again).

That said, I watch Fuse and MTV Hits alot when doing shit around the house. If anyone watches MTV Hits... I'm sure you've seen the video for "Damaged" by Danity Kane. I've seen it a bunch... and it raises just one question from me:

When the hell did Kathy Griffin join a pop group?

Thankfully her singing isn't nearly as annoying as Ms. Griffin talking.

2008-06-26T10:18:00.000-07:00

A conversation with my neighbor...

So my neighbors apparently have been evicted for failing to pay rent, or even acknowledge that the landlord even exists. It doesn't matter to me... other than burning a bunch of trash and making my house smell like crap... and occasionally having people come and go at all hours of the night making me think they were dealing drugs, they were quiet people who didn't bother me. Until one day when I had a quick chat with one of the neighbors:

Scene: In front of our houses, a sunny afternoon, as I hop in my car to go to the gym. I see my neighbor walking down the driveway waving his hands to flag me down.

Neighbor: "Hey! Quick question. Have you seen anyone go in or out of the house recently."

Me: "Not that I can think of. It's been pretty quiet over there recently.

Neighbor: "Oh. Well, I just got out of jail and I can't get in the house..."

From there, I politely brushed him off, double checked the locks on my doors, and went to the gym hoping that he wasn't there when I got back.

Maybe it's better they were evicted.

2008-06-18T06:19:00.000-07:00

Weird fears:

We talked on the air this morning (6/18/08) about weird Phobias you may have, or have had in the past, sparked by this list of the Top 10 Most Common Phobias in the world.

Listeners admitted to random phobias such as Fear of Crumbs, Fear of being Coughed On. Another anonymous listener sent this e-mail:

When I was little I was scared of dentures. My uncle used to take his out and clack them at us. I would hide from anyone that I thought had dentures and I wouldn’t get close to my uncle unless I was sure that his were safely in his mouth.

Traumatizing for any youth. I admitted on the air that when I was younger... I think I heard on the news a story of a house fire, in which the fire started in the walls of the house. I couldn't sleep facing the wall for a few weeks, scared that a fire was going to break out. (Of course, I didn't think that if a fire broke out, I'd be screwed anyway).

What weird fears do YOU have? Adds yours to the blog in the comments section. And you can remain completely anonymous!

2008-06-12T07:05:00.000-07:00

An open letter to the NHL:

Please don't turn into douchebags.

You guys are coming off some GREAT ratings for the Stanley Cup finals, and a great year overall to help build back the populairty of the NHL. But let's not take things too far. Apparently you're trying to capitalize on merchandising right now, buy issuing Pittsburgh Penguins- Pennsylvania State Champs!" hats.

Pennsylvania State Champs? Seriously? Sure you beat the Philadelphia Flyers, the ONLY OTHER TEAM IN PENNSYLVANIA in the Eastern Conference Finals. I figured you'd like to focus more on being better than ALL the teams in the Eastern Conference, not just one.

Plus, how liberal are you issuing state champ titles? The New York Rangers went further than the Buffalo Sabers and the New York Islanders, so they win the title in New York. The San Jose Sharks should get the California title.

Let's see who else...well The Phoenix Coyotes automatically win the Arizona title every year. Same goes for the Minnesota Wild and the New Jersey Devils. The Carolina Hurricanes? We'll give them North AND South Carolina, and throw in Connecticut since Hartford is still mourning the moving of their Whalers. And hey! How about crowning Montreal as the Canadian Champs? That could work for them.

And the Detriot Red Wings? Who cares about being Stanley Cup Champs. They own the state of Michigan bitches!

It was a good season NHL, please don't too far with it. But I must say, I can't wait for next year's battle of Tennessee!

2008-06-09T07:02:00.001-07:00

Back when I was a kid...

It's never good when I start a blog post with that statement. I'm only 25. Am I allowed to even think that statement?

Either way, I was checking out the news from the homeland of Philly this morning. The east coast is in the grips of a pretty intense heat wave for the next few days. Upper 90's temp wise, wring-out-your-underwear humidity. Cities could see 100+ temps today. It's pretty intense.

I remember some of those east coast heat waves. The worst ones are like this one. It's the VERY end of the school year. (For those mid-westers who are already out of school... the last day of school for most is this Friday.)

Now, most exams are completed. No one is going to be able to learn a damn thing in heat that intense. My grade school, AND high school were not air-conditioned, and being Catholic schooled, I was required to wear the uniform. (You know the deal. Same shoes for everyone. Crappy slacks. The school sweater made from a fiber that burst into flames with the slightest bit of friction. We were REQUIRED to wear this uniform. 100+ degree heat? We were STILL required to wear this uniform. I remember at the end of 5th grade, the last week of school, there wasn't a day where the temperature was below 99, yet we sat in the classroom, with the lights turned off praying that the two working fans would keep us from getting heat stroke. We suffered through it. We HAD to.

But I'm checking the local Philly news, and they're saying that a ton of schools in the area are CLOSED today because of the extreme heat.

Are parents worried that their precious little snowflakes are going to melt? It's school! It's supposed to be miserable and insufferable! Send them with an extra juicebox to stay hydrated. Kids these days are wimps if they can't stand the heat, and it's probably their parents to blame for it. When I was a kid, we were tough.

Plus when I was a kid, Pluto was a planet.

2008-06-03T18:16:00.001-07:00

Great moments in stupid advertising...

Facebook has taken to having sponsored advertisements mixed in with the mini-feed on the homepage. One there today caught my eye:

Hey! It's Ben and Jerry's Birthday this year!

Wait. This year? Not this month, or this week, or today.. but this YEAR.

My birthday is March 20th, and it falls within the boundaries of the year 2008, so I guess I can get away with saying it's my birthday this year?

And guess what?!?!

IT'LL BE MY BIRTHDAY NEXT YEAR TOO!!!!!!!

Buy me presents.

2008-06-03T05:53:00.000-07:00

An anniversary almost missed...

I'm sad to say that I completely forgot about a major anniversary that occured a few days ago. An anniversary that weighs heavy on my heart. An anniversary that would have gone completely unnoticed by me if it hadn't been for a text message I recieved from my friend Dave. It read:

"Congratulations to Philadelphia on 25 years of futility!"

That's right. May 31st, Philadelphia... um... celebrated? 25 years without winning a major sports championship. 25 years. Sure, some cities have suffered longer, but none of those cities have all four major sports (Baseball, Football, Basketball, and Hockey).

May 31st, 1983 was the last time Philadelphia celebrated. The 76ers swept the L.A. Lakers in 4 games. Prior to that, Philadelphia had had a great recent sports run. The Flyers won back-to-back Stanley Cups in the 70s, the Phillies won their one and only World Series in 1980. The Eagles made it to the Superbowl in 1980 (losing to the Raiders), and the Phillies made it to the World series in 1983 (losing to the Orioles). Things were going great in Philadelphia.

Then, the drought started.

--The Flyers made it to the Stanley Cup finals in 1985, and lost in 5 games to the Edmonton Oilers.
--The Flyers fought into the Stanley Cup Finals in 1987, and lost in 7 games, and again, lost to the Edmonton Oilers.
--The Phillies surprised the baseball world by going from worst in 1992 to the World Series in 1993, losing to the Toronto Blue Jays.
--The Flyers showed promise again in 1997, making it to the Stanley Cup Finals vs. the Detriot Red Wings, but were swept.
--The Eagles were turning into an NFC dynasty, making it to the NFC Championship game 4 years in a row (2001-2004), and finally to the Superbowl in 2004, before losing to the New England Patriots.
--The Sixers proved they could be a good team for once, making it to the NBA finals, only to lose 4 games to 1 to the L.A. Lakers.

And let's not forget numerous playoff berths by all Philadelphia teams in that timespan as well.

What makes this streak so heartbreaking is that the Philadelphia teams haven't been BAD. The Phillies haven't seen major success, and the 76ers had a slump, but overall, most of the Philadelphia teams have had good shots at winning championships, but alas, none have come for 25 years now.

There is promise in the future. The Flyers battled back from their worst season in team history to make it to the NHL Eastern Conference finals this year. The Phillies made it ot the playoffs for the first time in 14 years last year (and currently sit in 1st place). Even the Sixers found their way into the playoffs. We just need that championship. Whenver it does come around, it will be sweet, and the parade down Broad Street will be a sight to see.

I just hope it doen't take another 25 years.

2008-05-22T08:48:00.000-07:00

Going Green.... sorta.

$3.79 for a gallon of gas. $3.79. A radio salary cannot keep up with rising costs anymore, so I've found myself walking to the gym each day, as long as the weather is nice. (I know some people have asked... but Beej... if your legs feel like shit.. why do you walk? Well, my legs feel fine when I walk, but if I pick up the pace to even a jog... they hurt like a bitch... but I digress).

So I'm walking throuhg Pittsburg to the gym yesterday, and I noticed that a lot of people have started using the compact fluorescent lights instead of regular light bulbs. They're great; they use less energy but give off the same amount of light, and these bulbs can last YEARS longer than a regular light bulb.

Now I'm not a huge "Green" chest thumper. I try my part, but I know that my carbon footprint is probably massive. Either way, I do commend people for trying the baby steps in using these light bulbs, but I still have one problem with these people...

TURN THE DAMN LIGHTS OFF!

The only reason I noticed these light bulbs is because people had them on IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY! A lamppost in front of a house...still on. A light overlooking the back of a house...still on. A porch light...still on.

Yes, you're using less energy powering these compact fluorescent lights... but do you want to know how to save MORE energy? TURN THEM OFF. Your precious puppy left in the backyard can see just fine with the light of the sun.

And I'm sure you've also heard the idea that a butterfly flapping its wings in Asia can cause a hurricane off the Florida coast right? Well if a moron leaves their porch ceiling fan on 24/7... does that cause a blizzard in San Diego?

2008-05-08T06:02:00.000-07:00

A Blog About the Dallas Cowboys:

I saw an article online a day or two ago about how Tony Romo, QB of the hated Dallas Cowboys, was trying to qualify for the US Open. Apparently he's a pretty decent golfer, but fell shot in the qualifying.

I figured with the Cowboys recent early playoff exits, he'd have a lot more time to get some practice rounds in.

BA-ZING.

And for good measure:

2008-05-05T09:05:00.001-07:00

How the once mighty have fallen...

Is it possible for a well-respected publication to jump the shark?

After wrapping up a broadcast from Woods Supermarket in Fort Scott Saturday, I said my thank yous to the Manager and staff, and was heading back out of the store, but was forced to stop dead in my tracks. I was in the magazine aisle, and could not believe my eyes. That can't be... on the COVER of THAT magazine???

PARIS HILTON?!?!?!? PARIS FREAKING HILTON?!?!?! On the cover of NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC?

If I had a subscription, I would have canceled it on the spot.

2008-05-02T10:42:00.000-07:00

The Local News...

Apparently, while I was at work yesterday, there was a decent size drug bust in front of my house. I mean, DIRECTLY in front of my house...as in...if anyone saw, they probably thought it was my house getting raided. (And from reports I heard, people DID think it was my house. Lovely.)

So after a nice drug bust, which would be GREAT positive press for the police, and show that the war on drugs may not be won, but this battle was, you'd expect this to be in the local newspaper right?

I check this morning when I get to the station, and find THIS as the lead story in the paper.

Yay Happy Bear!

That's still not as bad as the newspaper in my college town telling me what the Prisoners in the county jail are eating today.

2008-04-30T06:38:00.000-07:00

The Top MOST Annoying Singers of All-Time!

Yahoo! Music recently posted a top 10 list... of the Most Annoying Singers of all time! The no-talent ass clown Michael Bolton topped the list. I want to know... is there anyone YOU think should be on the list, but isn't? Callers have mentioned Macy Gray, Gwen Stefani, Bob Dylan, Aaron Neville, and Cyndi Lauper! Add your suggestions in the comments!

The full list can be found by clicking HERE

2008-04-25T19:55:00.001-07:00

Words Fail Me...

Words cannot describe this... If you listen to me and my incessant ramblings about the Philadelphia Flyers... you may know they are playing the Montreal Canadians in the second round of the NHL playoffs right now. AND that the Canadians snuck past the Flyers in Game 1. Just the sheer fact that they are playing the Flyers makes me instantly hate them (it's a gene in all Philadelphians... or maybe something in the drinking water...)

Well, I have even better reason to hate Montreal now. Thanks to Dyer for pointing this one out to me... What happens when a Canadian Radio Station tries to support their team, capitalize on a has-been song, AND do it in French?? You get this:

Words fail me.

2008-04-25T19:43:00.000-07:00

The Office War...

Recently, a war has broken out at the KKOW/KBZI offices. So far the battles haven't been intense...but small skirmishes have erupted quickly out of nowhere, and they can happen anywhere around the building. In someone's office, in the production studios, in the main lobby, around the on-air studios, it doesn't matter where... the battle will happen.

It's a battle between:

Flip tabs, and

rubber bands.

I am the master at flicking flip-tabs. I can launch one with deadly precision from 100 yards, and nail the flea on a dog's back. It's nearly silent... all you hear is a quick **ffwwwwwppp** before it strikes you down, and that's if you're lucky.

Bob is an excellent marksman with the rubberband, either with the fancy pull-it-around-your-finger-in-a-gun position, or the traditional one finger/one thumb pull-back-and-fire method. You can usually hear the launch of the rubber band, and if you have the catlike reflexes, may be able to dodge for minimal impact.

Both Bob and I are craftily stealth. We can be in peacetime, casually walking by, and in the next second, be bombing the green zone, and be gone from view before ammunition can be secured and retaliation lobbied.

No one knows how this war started, and no one knows how it will end. Casualties may pile up, but it will go on.

And if you happen to visit the KKOW/KBZI studios... make sure you duck if you see anything flying towards your head.

2008-04-22T06:25:00.000-07:00

I preface this blog by saying... I'm probably going to get hate mail for this one.

Last night, I got everything ready for letting my ass plop down on the couch and watch me some playoff hockey. The listings said that on Versus... I'll have Game six of the Flyers/Capitals series. Sweet. I got my work done, I grab a beer, and plop down on the super-thin piece of foam I call a couch, and get ready to cheer on my Flyers.

But alas... I got stuck with the Montreal Canadiens/Boston Bruins game 7.

What the f....

Disgruntled, I watched the game anyway... because living in Kansas... getting ANY hockey on TV is a rareity. As the game progressed on, it became obvious that the Boston Bruins were going to lose, and that put a smile onto my face. NOT because I am a fan of Montreal. NOT because I have some hatred for the Bruins for beating my Flyers or anything like that.

I smiled, because for once... a Boston team lost.

Think about it...

The Boston Red Sox. Kicking ass throughout the 00's. Two world series Championships, constantly battling for the top in the AL. They get nearly EVERY game nationally televised if they even mention the word "Yankees" (even if they're playing the Rangers).

The New England Patriots- Dynasty my ass, but they've been a top tier team for years now... and fans are getting a bit smug about it.

Boston Celtics- After some very smart off-season moves... the Celtics went from worst in the East to the best team in the NBA... in one season. Giving Boston fans another reason to thump their chests.

With all of this winning in Boston, it's GREAT to see one of their teams go down! Hell.. the Bruins made the playoffs... but they LOST... no cup hoisted over their heads... no scheduling conflicts with the other 5000 victory parades throughout the streets. A Boston team LOST... and I'm going to savor it for what it's worth.

And then I'll go back to sulking about Philly not winning anything in 9093 days (and counting...)

PS- I'll still root for the Sox over the Yankees anyday.
PPS- SO can't root for the Pats.
PPPS- Celtics? Meh... if the Sixers lose.
PPPPS- This video is STILL classic:

See more funny videos at CollegeHumor

2008-04-21T06:19:00.000-07:00

The World's Dumbest Criminal strikes my house...

With it being an absolutely GORGEOUS weekend in the 4-States, I finally decided to break out the lawnmower and hack away at the patch of weeds and fallen twigs that I call a lawn.

I grab the lawnmower, a pretty old piece of crap with a wonky wheel that my roommate left behind. It does the job, let's just see if I can get it started after a winter hiding under my deck.

I yank the cord... nothing. Yank it again. Nothing. Wait.... gas. Duh. Unscrewing the gas tank, I see it's bone dry. OK. I stick my head back under the deck to grab the gas can... but it's not there. Hmm. I look up on my deck, and it's not there either. I'm scratching my head. My gas can is missing. Where did it go? Did someone steal it? There is VERY easy access to my backyard.

After searching my ridiculously small yard for a few more minutes, I give up hope, and accept that someone stole the gas can. But why the gas can? The lawn mower was right next to it... the BBQ right on the deck... but they stole the GAS CAN. A $2.50 gas can, with maybe 50 cents worth left in it.

Ladies and gentlemen... this is how desperate we are with gas prices these days. Now I'm going to go take out a small loan so I can mow my lawn.

2008-04-16T07:11:00.001-07:00

As a Philadelphia sports fan, I consider myself insanely loyal to the local teams... even when they are having shitty seasons (see Flyers- 06-07). Most of the Phans in Philly are the same way. Sure we'll boo, we'll complain, and we'll ask for the heads of all upper executives of the teams on a platter when we don't win a Championship (just shy of 25 years now). But even with all that, we'll still go and buy tickets and see our team play.

Then it's articles like this that make me scratch my head. As the Pittsburgh Penguins are in the Stanley Cup Playoffs (hockey for the non-hosers), and doing well after a stretch of a few years of mediocrity, the fans! HUZZAH! THEY RETURN!

As the Pittsburgh Penguins-Ottawa Senators playoff series continues in Ottawa, Penguins fans can watch Game 4 Wednesday night on a video screen outside Mellon Arena. Game time is 7 p.m.

The Penguins have set up a 12 X 16 LED screen near the Arena marquee, outside Gate 3. Weather permitting, the screen will carry FSN Pittsburgh's broadcast of the game, starting with the pre-game show.

With interest in the team soaring, the Penguins are attempting to accommodate demand in as many ways possible and share the playoff experience with their broad base of fans.

Welcome back to the bandwagon Pittsburgh Penguin fans! Your team is alive! They have championship hopes! And when they lose before getting to win it all.. you'll stuff your jerseys in the back of your closet, and you'll skip the penguin tank next time you go to the zoo.

And on the same note... hey Colorado Rockies fans! Remember at the end of last year... when you guys actually remembered baseball existed in Denver? Your team was doing GREAT! They won 21 of 22 games! They made the World Series! (can I use that without being sued by MLB?) You PACKED Coors Field!

So how's your team doing now? Not so good? Yeah. That's a shame. Last place? Ouch. Way to support your team. 23,000 people last game? Wow.

Way to fall off the bandwagon. Don't let the wheels roll over you.

This post written WITHOUT the expressed written consent of the NHL or MLB.

2008-04-09T10:12:00.000-07:00

Why weren’t people this creative when I was little?

With the birth of the internet came a whole new genre of media... the internet video. Anyone can do anything and post it online for everyone else to see... and it makes for a great time slacking off at work looking at everything out there.

This video... sent to me by listener Linda in Arma shows JUST how creative people can get... and makes me wish people were this creative when I was a kid. Enjoy:

See more funny videos at CollegeHumor

I never played Baseball... I was a soccer, track, and swimteam kid... but still... HOW COOL IS THAT?!?!?!?!?! An article on the whole event said that when parents were asking what was going on... the members of the improv troupe were telling them "The game is live on NBC right now!" They held a press conference and everything after the game.Of course... the rest of the season will be boring as hell for the kids... but they got their greatest game EVER!

2008-04-08T06:00:00.001-07:00

March Commercial Madness...

It is official... after seeing this commercial last night during the KU-Memphis Game... Meatloaf and Tiffany have both hit career lows. Especially Meatloaf.

Meatloaf: "Do I want a hefty paycheck for butchering one of my classic songs? Let me sleep on it..."

2008-04-07T10:22:00.000-07:00

Frickin' Taxes...

There's a common misconception when it comes to jobs in radio... especially those on-air. It's believed that we get paid lavish amounts of cash, live in mansions in the hills, drive our Hummers to the station, and are generally swarmed whenever we venture out in public.

That's complete bullshit.

Working in radio is like having lyme disease... it never REALLY leaves you. Even if you leave the industry... you always have a little bit of it in your blood. Those who currently work in the industry fall into two categories:

A.) They absolutely LOVE what they do, no matter how small their paycheck is
or B.) They were picked on in high school, and found a job that can make them look cool while still being the absolute geek they truly are.

I fall into category A.

With a smidge of B.

I couldn't see myself doing anything else each and every day and enjoy doing it. I have friends that make 3X my salary... and they said they'd give up half their cash if they could get away with wearing a T-Shirt and jeans to work every day. I could never see myself as a cubicle dweller, wearing a tie. (No offense to those who DO dwell in cubicles and wear ties.)

That being said, I finally got my lazy ass in gear and finished my taxes this weekend. OK... so my dad pretty much did my federal taxes, to whom I owed $20. OK... that's not HORRIBLE... but considering when I worked at a supermarket, my return would be a couple hundred in MY pocket... I don't like it. I worked on Kansas' state tax form.. and after milling over EVERY line to make sure I got it right... my refund turned into a whopping...

-$859.

That's right. They said I OWED $859.

That can't be right. So, I called up my accou...er....Dad... and had him double check. Lo and behold... I missed a single line...and that brought my Kansas State refund to:

-$113

Damn it. I still owe.

Now I never understood tax code, but I know there's a way for me to have more taken out each paycheck so I don't owe... but what I just don't get is that... when I make literally NO MONEY... how do I still owe?

I'm moving to Canada.

2008-04-01T09:35:00.000-07:00

So... if the water coming out of the water cooler is magically turning Green or a nice murky brown...it totally wasn't me putting food coloring in the well of the cooler so people wouldn't be able to see it since the water in the jug is still clear.

Yeah. Totally not me.

:)

2008-03-25T06:08:00.000-07:00

I feel so...so...cheated?

So this happened to me LAST weekend, but I'm just getting my lazy ass in gear to post it now.

It was last Saturday, and I'm flipping through the channels on TV while making dinner. I land on the movie Goodfellas. Score! Great movie, one of those I'll watch anytime it's on. So I go about doing my stuff, peeking at the TV every once in a while, until the commercials came on, and the first spot was for Vagisil, or Massengil, or something of the like.

Working in the media, I know how advertisers will buy spots to maximize their reach to potential buyers or customers, and I'm thinking "What? Why are they advertising THAT on Spike TV?" That was my mistake. I just naturally assumed that Goodfellas was on Spike, since every other of the 1000 times its been on TV, it's been on Spike. Well not this time. I grab my remote, look at the digital cable display, and realize that I had been duped into watching:

I feel so ashamed as a man.

But honestly. I know women probably like Goodfellas as a movie, but enough to have it show on LIFETIME?

I swear if I find "Serendipity" on Spike TV, I'm giving up on TV for good.

2008-03-19T05:08:00.000-07:00

I’m becoming the smelly guy at work....

So I realized recently that I’m starting to become the smelly guy at work.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I bathe daily, and I don’t wear the same clothes for three days in a row, so it’s not like I’m actively TRYING to become the smelly guy. I just blame the City of Pittsburg.

A week or so ago, I mentioned that I need a haircut. But I’m just letting my hair get shaggy... well... because I work in radio and can get away with it. So I haven’t got a haircut since before Christmas. Well it’s partly because of this that I’m becoming the smelly guy.

Let’s combine a few factors in.

A.) I have a pretty thick head of hair.
B.) Pittsburg City water...well...sucks.
C.) I swim a lot of laps in the pool.

And recently, because of the Shin Splints, I’ve been swimming more laps, since under doctor’s orders I should take it easy on my legs.

Mix all of this together, and there are some days (especially when I get to work and my hair is still semi-wet) when my hair smells like... I guess wet dog is the best way to describe it?

I know this blog post doesn’t do a damn thing for my attractiveness and single status, but I figured I needed to defend myself from my co-workers probably whispering behind my back, and whenever I get my next haircut, I can hand over the title of "Office Smelly Guy" to someone else. Although even with wet-dog hair, I really can’t compete with the "Smelly Guy" winner. Who will go unnamed.

At least I’m didn’t get my dad’s bald genes.

2008-03-17T17:13:00.000-07:00

Dear Smartass at the Gym,

Dear Smartass at the Gym,

Was it your idea to put a METRIC scale in the locker room today? I step on the scale, start fiddling with the weights, and then realize I have no clue why it looks like I lost 100 pounds in a day.

I get it. The rest of the world. They're hip to the Metric system. They'll buy a kilo or two of ground beef at the store, they'll run a couple of kilometers on the treadmill.

I haven't taken a math class in nearly seven years. And even then, I gave up on that class because I got accepted into college and didn't need the math class. (My teacher LOVED me when I asked "What do I need to do just to pass?) So now, I have no clue how to mentally do the conversion, and I don't just happen to carry a conversion table in my gym bag.

Switch it back to the regular scale damn it. And stop trying to conform to the rest of the world!

And I'm going to go celebrate weighing 78 kilograms.

2008-03-14T10:41:00.000-07:00

Music Video of the Day!

Ok... So I have nothing meaningful to post today, so I figured... let's bring back the Music Video of the Day feature!

I consider myself a Music Video conniseur... it's a lost art now that MTV really doesn't play ANY videos. Either way, I'll bring new, old, weird, popular, forgotten, and sometimes completely unknown music videos. And if once in a while I repeat... uh... sue me.

Today's video...

Beavis and Butthead featuring Cher- "I Got You Babe"

2008-03-13T06:01:00.000-07:00

The $5,500 Girl

It's the girl that the world is talking about. Elliot Spitzer's um... escort has been identified, as a 22 year old musician from New York City. There are stories about an abusive past and more, which is sad, and it sucks she's getting thrust into the limelight, but I will give Spitzer SOME credit. He didn't go all Hugh Grant and get a nasty looker, or accidentally pick up a Tranny. She's a cute girl. Maybe not $5,500 cute... but definitely cute.

Check her out for yourself:

2008-03-11T14:11:00.000-07:00

It's Like Hearing "Oops!" during surgery...

It’s like hearing "Oops!" during surgery...

I had a routine cleaning at the dentist today. Nothing special, and I have no problem with going to the dentist's office anyway. (Bring on the noise of the drill! WHRRRR!)

At my dentist's office, they have these cool flat screen TVs above the chair, so when you're laying back, you can watch TV and not worry about what's going on in your mouth. This has to be GREAT for little kids who may be scared.

Well CNN Headline news was on the TV as I laid back for the cleaning, and the FIRST news story that pops up?

GIRL DIES AT DENTIST

I was never nervous at the dentist BEFORE....

No omen though. Ended with no cavities. Score!

2008-03-10T15:56:00.000-07:00

$5,500 ESCORT?!?!??!?!

News broke today about New York Governor Elliot Spitzer, and how he was part of a Prostitution ring that rented out Escorts for up to $5,500 per hour. (For more on that story... click HERE

MY main question is... $5,500 for an escort?!? $5,500?? I did some searching online and found a picture of said $5,500 Escort:

Ooooh. Now it makes sense.

2008-03-08T17:41:00.000-08:00

Signs I Need a Haircut:

Last time I got a haircut was back right before Christmas. Since then, I just haven't taken the time to go and get it cut. Now, my sideburns are curling to the point where it looks like I should be performing a briss. (OK. Not THAT bad... but still...)

But as I'm looking at it... I'm debating. What if I go for that shaggy look? Hmm. So I post some pictures, and ask your opinion. Get a haircut damn dirty hippie? Or hey! That doesn't look too bad.

Lemme know. Although with my parents heading out here for Easter... I'll probably get a haircut then :)

You guys want MySpace profile style pics? Plus you get to see my oh-so-lovely bathroom.

2008-03-04T09:59:00.000-08:00

HEALTH WARNING- Occupation May Prove Hazardous To Your Health:

If you were listening to the station this morning, you probably heard a nice long stretch where it was just music and music and music, and I was nowhere to be found. Simply put, we were having some technical issues in studio, and I was running around the building on different phones talking to tech support.

The key word here is RUNNING. Running from the studio, to my office, to the server room, and back and forth checking settings on various computers. So what's the problem with the running? I'm in pretty damn good shape (not to brag), and running is no problem.

It's just that my doctor ordered me not to run for 4 weeks. Thanks to some lovely SHIN SPLINTS! The VERY NEXT DAY... I find myself running all over the building making sure we stay on the air. Nothing like disobeying doc's orders right away. I'm going to go back to slightly hobbling around now, and if I'm gone for a week or so... let's say I'm getting reconstructive surgery or something. K?

I'm going to go fill out a form for workman's comp....

-beej

2008-02-28T08:20:00.000-08:00

Not Reading Labels Makes The Baby Jesus Cry

I must admit, that I have turned into a pretty bad Catholic... pretty much THE definition of a C&E Catholic... but that doesn't mean I'm not going to give something up for lent. Last year, I decided to give up soda & caffeine, and did so successfully, but I relapsed, and fell back on the Mt. Dew addiction. So I figured this year, I can go back around and try it again.

So far, this year, I have been successful... a couple of nights waking up with cold sweats, morning sickness (OK. Maybe not.) Until yesterday, when I broke my lenten promise and drank some caffeine... without knowing it.

The Scene: Wal-Mart. I just came from hitting the gym... and felt I could use some hydration. I'm wandering the aisles, and find some of Gatorade's new Invigorating Water. It looked good, it was from Gatorade... let's try it. I grab a bottle, and head on home. Later I'm sitting at my computer, doing some work, and I'm looking at the Gatorade bottle, which explains that it "gives you that extra kick you need to get through your workout." Hey. Cool. Until I see under that is a little graph explaining HOW MUCH CAFFEINE EACH BOTTLE HAS.

So, I'm going to say 10 Hail Marys, and hope I don't get struck down by lightning.

PS- Is it an omen, or ironic that Gatorade's logo is a lightning bolt?

2006-11-02T14:52:00.000-08:00

Too soon?????

I'm not talking about a tasteless Steve Irwin or Katrina joke. I'm talking about Christmas lights.

I was wandering about town this weekend, and noticed that a few houses were already putting up their Christmas lights. Now grated, it WAS about 80 degrees all weekend long, but for God's sake, it was still OCTOBER at that time. So I have to ask... what is the proper ettiquite for holiday light hanging? I'm a home-renter now... so I've got some room to decorate... but when is it considered OK to start dangling the icicles? (wow that sounded dirty) Now that it's November, is it Kosher?

I say wait until at LEAST the Thanksgiving-ish times before starting. Remember Thanksgiving? The weekend of the heaviest travel in the USA? Turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing? Remember this holiday? No. OK. There's just Christmas. At least in the stores. Wal-Mart here was getting their Christmas aisle ready as they sold all the candy in the Halloween aisle.

I say wait on the lights... but I think this guy wishes otherwise:

2006-10-21T15:58:00.000-07:00

Welcome to Seattle! We're "MetroNatural!"

What the hell does that mean?

Seattle unveiled it's new tourism slogan this weekend, painting the words on top of the Space Needle, (and I must say, I DON'T envy whoever had that job.) And like most people, I'm left scratching my head, saying, "Uh.... what?"

The Seattle Times interviewed residents asking them what they thought it meant, and responses ranged from "an airport where you can buy organic bananas," to "an urban nudist camp." The best part? Seattle spent $200,000 to come up with this er... "slogan" and will spend another $300,000 promoting it.

MetroNatural? C'mon Seattle! You can come up with something better, or more appealing. Let's see... how about:

Seattle- Thank you Grey's Anatomy for putting us back on the map!
Seattle- You can blame us for Starbucks.
Seattle- The palest city in the nation!
Seattle- Uh... go Mariners?

See. It's not that hard.

And this makes me wonder... what if Pittsburg, or Fort Scott, or Nevada came up with a new tourism slogan? What would it be?

Hmmmmm.

2006-09-27T09:57:00.000-07:00

WELCOME TO THE FALL 2006 TV SEASON!

OK folks, most of the new Fall 2006 TV shows have started (save a few popping up this week)... and I want to know... what do YOU think of some of the new shows. Here's some of my reviews:

Heroes- I was skeptical at the idea of the show, but after the first episode, I was very impressed. I tuned in a few minutes late, right when the cheerleader character was jumping off the 60 or so foot high scaffolding (or whatever it was) and landed hard on the ground. My first thought was "HOLY CRAP?!?! WHAT IS NBC SHOWING?!?!" Then she got up and dusted herself off. Pretty damn cool. The rest of the show and the other superheroes that are finding themselves were pretty intersting, and I can see this one sticking around. EARLY GRADE- B+

'Til Death- Another show in which I really didn't have too much interest in, until someone pointed out that the show is based in literally my hometown in the Philadelphia suburbs. I tuned in, realized it was nothing like home, and in my opinion, only marginally funny. Fox has pumped enough money into it that it will probably last a full season. EARLY GRADE- D

Jericho- As someone who lives in Kansas, I can tear the setting of the show apart. Sure they're somewhere in the midwest... but you CANNOT see the Mountains from western Kansas. Denver is NOT a quick drive away. Other than that, the show is pretty gripping, as it seems that Jericho, KS is the mathmatical deadpoint between a ton of atomic bombs going off across the USA. We still don't know what caused the bombs or if they really were bombs... let's see how long CBS can stretch it. EARLY GRADE- B+

Studio 60 from the Sunset Strip (Pictured)- OK... so I went into this show with high hopes. I never got into Aaron Sorkin's super-popular West Wing... but his first show, the short lived ABC show Sports Night was a brilliant show that was set behind the scenes of a SportsCenter type show. Studio 60 is basically the same thing, just set behind the scenes of a Saturday Night Live style show. The cast is totally all-star, and it's VERY well written and acted. Ratings haven't been off the charts, but hopefully this show will stick around. EARLY GRADE- A+

Those are my early reviews... feel free to leave your opinion on these and other new shows!

2006-09-19T18:15:00.000-07:00

Is this thing on? I guess so.